A Quitter May Not Be a Loser

Society celebrates persistence and achievement, so abandoning goals is typically seen as “failure.” Endless research and everyday experience tell us that overcoming obstacles to succeed is essential for our well-being. This process can involve anything from a toddler falling on her butt until she learns to walk to a law school graduate finally passing the bar.

But trying and trying again is not the whole story. Recent science shows us the importance of leaving aside an unfulfilled life goal when it becomes too costly or unfeasible, or both.

The ability to set goals, pursue them despite setbacks and then quit them as circumstances change is adaptive and healthy. So is finding and committing to meaningful new aspirations. Some of us are much better at doing one or both of these things, and how well we do these things greatly affects our emotional and physical health.

An analysis of 31 samples shows that people who are better at letting go have better functioning endocrine (内分泌的) and immune systems, better health behaviors and fewer physical problems. Those who are better at pursuing new goals are healthier and perform better physically under emotional distress.

Another study followed 135 adults, aged 64 to 90 years, over about six years at a time of life when physical declines often make certain desired pursuits no longer impossible. For those who scored high in their abilities to “disengage” from goals that are no longer attainable, depressive symptoms were generally low and did not worsen. Those who scored low became more depressed over time, and at the end of the multi-year period, they reached a level of depression.

However, deciding when—or whether—to give it up is not easy. When we set career or relationship targets that are closely linked to our identity, it can be especially hard to drop them, even in the face of great barriers.

But strategies exist to help people get unstuck from the pursuit of a fruitless objective. The most notable strategy is called mental contrasting with implementation intentions (MCII).

MCII was the creation of New York University research psychologist Gabriele Oettingen. She has made it publicly available online as WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan). Mostly, Oettingen says, “it’s been used to help people persist and achieve their goals—when those goals are possible.” “It’s equally effective for actively disengaging from goals—when obstacles are perceived as insurmountable,” she says.

MCII works this way: People identify their wish for a desired future—let’s say becoming a medical doctor. They imagine the best possible outcome, being happy as an oncologist (肿瘤学家) helping save cancer patients. Then they consider and imagine the critical obstacle—low grades in science, for example. They think of ways to overcome the obstacle and make a plan. This might include getting a science tutor and studying harder. If, despite these measures, they still do not score higher than a C in science courses, another MCII will help to possibly change their plan or course of action.